COTN is an Exploration of Heathen Comedy, Reality,

Science, Evolution, Secular Humanism and Community.

 

Church of the Nones started in 2013 as a Heathen Comedy Troupe in Boulder, Colorado. It was the brainstorm of 4 friends, Adele and Chris, along with Margaret and Tom. They started writing and performing take-no-prisoners skits and soap operas.  By 2015, they all got so busy with their day jobs, and Adele had a baby. They went on hiatus for awhile, but want to get back out there sometime soon.  The creative writing continues on.

 

Tom is also a Website Developer and Secular Community Builder, so the scope of COTN is expanding. It has also joined forces with Secular ACCESS, a sister organization.

 

 

Church of the Nones Heathen Comedy Troupe - Along with skits, they have two on-going soap operas, each episode is about 10 minutes.

 

No God Left Behind - Takes place in a bar up in the clouds, reminiscent of Cheers, although there is a giant TV screen behind the bar, and the bartender is the Devil. Episode 1 begins with has-been gods commiserating together after being replaced by newer gods.  Zeus is replaced by Thor, who is replaced by Jesus, who is replaced by Science.  When Science walks in the bar and orders a triple shot of whiskey, the gods can't believe it and ask, "Science? Who replaced You?" 

 

In Episode 2, Science reveals who replaced her.  When Science and the Gods become friends, you know something really bad is going to happen. The god's nemesis, Mega Death, shows up at the bar, and in all the chaos they accidentally blow up the Earth. Father God appears on the TV and is not happy about it at all. He blames all the younger gods, and makes them work together to rebuild the Earth just as it was, except for one difference. Father God likes his pet dinosaurs and doesn't want them to go extinct, but also wants humans to emerge. Science finds the wrong instruction video for evolution and how to create life on Earth, so they mess things up a bit by creating a race of monkey-fish-frogs. They seem to get most of it right and wildly celebrate their success until the very last monkey-fish-frog on Earth sadly enters the bar in tears.

 

In Episode 3, Monkey-fish-frog tells the tragic story of how their peaceful race was wiped out by being caught in the middle of the warring humans and evolved dinosaurs. Science has a plan to get the warring factions to make peace, but Mega Death convinces the other gods that Science is a bossy bitch, so they lock her in a closet. As the gods are celebrating, they don't notice Mega Death sneaking off until the bar TV shows the Earth exploding into nothing for the second time.  Zeus, Thor and Jesus realize it was Mega Death, just as Father God appears on the TV and banishes the younger gods out of heaven forever.  Monkey-fish-frog lets science out of the closet.

 

Monkey-fish-frog becomes Science's side kick in Episode 4.  Science knows that it was Mega Death who convinced the other gods to lock her in the closet, then destroyed Earth.  She has a plan to redeem the good gods so Father God will let them back into Heaven.  She asks her side kick to go find the gods and sneak them back into the bar. Monkey-fish-frog finds them and brings them back. They lay low, hoping Father God won't discover them, while Science unveils her plan.

 

In Episode 5, We learn that Science's plan is to teach Zeus, Thor and Jesus about science, and holds classes. She figures (wrongly) that Father God will be impressed and take them back in. She doesn't realize that teaching the gods science will literally be more explosive than the Big Bang. With the knowledge of science, the gods become a trillion times more powerful.   

 

We are now up to Episode 6.  What do you think happens when these super multi-mega gods start fighting with each other?  And this is all just part of the story.

 

 

 

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Pope Fiction -  Episode 1 starts out at the Vatican where the Pope is just a puppet figure controlled by the Arch Bishop and cardinals.  There is a major crisis in the church because followers are leaving in droves to join the Atheists. They are worried about losing money for their lavish lifestyles. What can they do to get their flock back?  Send the Pope to speak at an Atheist Convention, of course.  Does it work?

 

In Episode 2, during his speech, the Pope is chased from the convention into the streets by an angry mob of Atheists.

 

The story continues on in Episode 3, where the Pope is rescued by a kind and wise gentleman who takes him in.  "You are a good Christian to help me," says the Pope. "Hell, I ain't no Christian.  Why do you think I have to be some damn Christian to be a good Samaritan".  The two become friends, and the Pope is finally convinced that God does not exist.

 

In Episode 4, the Pope returns to the Vatican with new wisdom and strength as a Humanist.  He excommunicates the Arch Bishop and takes control.  Will the Pope be able to change the church into Humanism? There are definitely some challenges ahead. Stay tuned.

 

 

Other skits include:

 

Reality Revival Sermon - A holy-roller service where God is actually Charles Darwin and the sermon is about the glory of Evolution. Praise the Darwin!

 

Two Insane Jesuses - Takes place in a psychiatric ward where the real Jesus is being held along with a man who truly believes he is Jesus.  Can you tell the difference?

 

True Confessions - At a confessional where sins are forgiven for a price, depending on the severity of the sin, there is a standard price list for most sins.  The worst sins are forgiven for free.  Can you guess what those are?

 

Tom Kellogg